网络算卦解签价格联盟

来自上海人民公园相亲角的奇葩问题

环球时报英文版2019-08-15 06:45:13

很多年前,当我还是大学里一枚如花少女的时候,我妈就指着上海人民公园相亲角的一把把雨伞对我说,“你再不减肥,以后也要来这里。”

想不到这一天真的来了,而且来得那么快!!

         

人民公园相亲角是上海非常有名一个“景点”。很多老外和外地游客都慕名而来。比如英国资深老戏骨 《指环王》里的法师甘道夫,就曾在这里给自己 “相过亲”。


   

而最近一位93年的妹子小亮亮也给我们投稿,吐槽了她在相亲角,与陌生男子的母亲斗智斗勇的故事!   

                     

以下是Global Times (Metro Shanghai)近期刊登的一篇评论,文中部分内容配有中文编译:



      My awkward experience at People's Park dating corner


很多年前,当我还是大学里一枚如花少女的时候,我妈就指着上海人民公园相亲角的一把把雨伞对我说,“你再不减肥,以后也要来这里。”想不到这一天真的来了,而且来得那么快!!


Years ago, when I was still in college, my parents and I were strolling through the blind date corner (aka “marriage market”) at Shanghai’s People’s Park, where they pointed at someone’s profile and said to me jokingly, “If you don’t lose weight, you will have to go to People’s Park one day.”

 

于是小亮亮这个93年的单身小阿姨,最终来到了相亲角。一来是想看看相亲角是否真的如传说中那么恐怖,二来如果有合适的对象也可以堵住母上大人的嘴。

 

It was a Saturday morning at People’s Park and I decided to browse the blind dating corner to see if I could find some potential mates for myself, not because I am desperate but just to appease my mother, who reminds daily me that 24 is no longer young according to Chinese standards and, thus, I am on the verge of being “left over.”

 

Similar anxiety is shared by hundreds of other local parents as well, who arrive at the blind date corner every Saturday and Sunday with their stools and umbrellas (on to which they tape profiles of their single children). 


和上次来相比,相亲角的规模和人数都壮大了不少。花花绿绿的雨伞占满了不同区域的小路:


This blind date corner has in fact expanded over the years from a literal corner of the park into a vast area that is crowded shoulder-to-shoulder on weekends with concerned parents and single adults of all ages.


有上海户口的,新上海人的,上海郊区的,海归的……有点相互河水不犯井水的意思。伞后面的家长,焦虑地躲在阴影下,时不时地扫一眼走过去的人,累了饿了就坐在自备小板凳上,拿出事先准备好的午饭啃两口。

 

They can be divided into the following groups: Shanghai born, new residents, overseas returnees and those living out in the suburbs. Veteran parents know a good spot at the park means more exposure for their kids, so they arrive early to compete with each other. Most of the profiles, however, seem to be for females in their 30s who “missed their chance” of finding a husband.

 

有把伞上贴着征婚者的信息,比如沪女,160 cm, 1982 年出生,XX名牌大学本科,XX外资企业白领,寻180 cm 左右的男士,有独立婚房,年薪XX万。


For example, one ad on an umbrella read: “Female, 160 centimeters, born in 1982, university degree, white-collar workerat a foreign-owned company, looking for a 180-centimeter tall man who owns a home and has a 200,000 yuan ($30,403) yearly salary.”

 

寻寻觅觅,终于小亮亮在“万花丛中”终于找到了“一片绿叶”。“沪男,1992年生,交大本科毕业,在国企工作,在闵行区有房。”

 

I finally found an umbrella with information about a man of my age: “Born in 1992, Shanghai hukou, graduated from Shanghai Jiao Tong University, works at a State-owned company, owns a home in Minhang district.”

 

站在这把伞后面的是一个看似安静,和善的阿姨。和周边咋咋呼呼的父母显得有所不同,让我有兴趣逗留片刻。“你是什么大学?什么工作?” 我的回答让她挺满意。

 

Standing behind the umbrella was a middle-aged woman who appeared to be a bit shyer than all the other loud, gossiping parents. “Would you like to know about my son?” she asked kindly. “What’s your education background and job?” My answer earned me some points from her.

 

但是想不到接下来的几分钟,我就受到了100点伤害。“你住哪儿?和几个人住?”“和我父母外婆外公一起。”她微微皱了一下眉头,“他们退休前是做什么的?”明目张胆地表明老人会成为我们家的负担。


But in a matter of minutes I felt like I was being cross-examined by the police. “Where do you live? How many people do you live with?” I explained I live with my parents and grandparents in our own home in Minhang. 


She frowned a little, then asked what they did before they retired. I was a little annoyed by her suggestion that my grandparents could be a burden, but still answered politely.

 

“除了你们家现在住的房子,爸爸妈妈还给你买过别的房子吗?”这一次,她对我的回答挺满意。“在哪里呢?”她竟然开始按照市场价在那里估算我的身价!! 这样的追问让我不是很舒服,好像自己是一个人形提款机一样。

 

“Have your parents bought you any other property?” she inquired, then rejoiced at my answer. She pushed on, trying to calculate my net worth based on current housing prices. Questions like this, however, made me uneasy and feeling like a human bank account just for her and her son.

 

“阿姨挺喜欢你的,别的人过来阿姨也不会问那么多,”她连忙解释到。“我要把这些记下来,告诉我儿子。”

 

“I like you so much. Otherwise I wouldn’t have asked you so many questions. I’ll report back to my son,” she said joyfully, before launching into another round of even more specific and personal questions. 


“阿姨问你一下呀,你说你高165,是赤脚量的吗?因为我儿子想要找个165 到170 的女孩子。你多重啊?你是素食主义吗?之前别人给我儿子介绍的女孩因为不吃肉,两个人就谈崩了。”


“You said you are 165 cm. Is it measured bare foot? My son would like to find a girl between 165 and 170 cm. How much do you weigh? Are you a vegetarian? Last time my son was introduced to a vegetarian but they broke up because of different eating habits.”

 

说实话这样细致又私人的问题让人超级无语。“为什么不让你儿子来问呢?”说完我就逃离了相亲角。

 

I finally said to this desperate woman: “Why don’t let your son come see me and ask me himself?” and left it at that. 


她可怜的儿子可能都不知道他老妈会用这么俗套的方式给他找女朋友。但如果我俩有机会见面,说不定会成为朋友呢。如果这次相亲有下文,我还会投稿写篇后传的!


He probably does not even know his mother is seeking girlfriends for him in the most humiliating manner possible, but then again, perhaps this man will be my soul mate. If we ever go on a date, I’ll be sure to write about it here. Check back soon...


 

原文/翻译:小亮亮

图:Chen Xia、网络


更多精彩讯息请关注: 

微博:@环球时报英文上海版

bilibili:@歪果仁在中国

一直播:@歪果仁在中国